Looking up the word “mistress” in spanish. Probably not a good sign.
Fuckin’ Church!
Friday, December 25th, 2009WHY DO THEY MAKE ME GO???
Sunday, December 20th, 2009
Heading back to Colorado tomorrow. Excited to see my friends although realizing how many people don’t really know me out there. I can count on one hand the number of people who knew I was a virgin. I was basically lying, pretending to fit in when I didn’t.
This I would really like to change.
Hard part is I don’t know who I am anymore.
Wednesday, December 16th, 2009
Well Shy Guy is NOT helping me forget him…which is what I figured I would do upon arriving. But no, he did not get this memo. Instead he has been calling me starting with about 5 minutes before I got on the plane and professing his undying affection for me. Well, I may have put those words on it but you know, I don’t understand everything! That is the jest i can assure you.
SIDEBAR: Sometimes speaking spanish feels like acting, I am just pretending that people understand me and that I understand them. Funny byproduct of that is that I do things I would normally be too scared to do. Just a game right? EXCEPT WHEN YOU LIVE THERE.
Anyway, not quite sure what to make of this and frankly baffled. No one EVER wants to be with me and I have no idea to handle the attention. And my first? That’s just preposterous! I do think that there is an element to explore here with my belief that good things happen only to other people. Why should I be exempt from good things? Why should someone NOT love me?
home?
Saturday, December 12th, 2009Back on US soil and in the home of my youth. It feels strangely like de ja vu, like I’ve been here before. Which, obviously, is true. But it still feels strange. So much has happened in the last few months, I’m wondering how I still fit here. But I do. My family still loves me and I still love them, despite the fact that I have turned the corner on my religion along with all that they taught me.
How does one go about updating friends and family in a religion status? Facebook? Send out a memo? Do I even need to go there? It feels like lying to just pretend to be okay with things that I’m not but opening that floodgate would cause more problems than it is worth.
So short note on Shy Guy- also known as WORST FUCK BUDDY EVER- he has been chatting me up and bringing up some interesting questions. I am not sure what his deal is- if he likes the attention, is trying to figure out where I’m at or is looking for a bit more of the kizzle but his questions are beyond “can I come over tonight?” And obviously, that option is out as I am several thousand miles away.
