Sex complicates things. How am I supposed to know how to handle these situations, what to ask for and what to hold out for? I have no experience in these situations and sometimes, I just want to do things that may be wrong or that I know may turn out poorly, just to know that they turn out poorly.
Shy Guy, well there is some discrepancy with what is going on. We are in disagreement with the terms of the relationship or lack there of I should say. Part of me wants to hold out for what I really want, and part of me just wants to do what I want for this moment, is scared to say no, and scared to demand things for myself.
He asked to come over tonight. There is a part of me that knows it is wrong but i am doing it anyway. Why is that? I want to make this decision for myself. I want to know what the situation really is, even if the truth hurts. This is my own rebellion against myself, my own learning period where i must test everything. Why is it that I need that?
But I do. I am sick of things being forced down my throat, even if they come from myself. I am sick of others making decisions for me and doing what I am supposed to do. I want to KNOW for sure why I should or shouldn’t do something. Perhaps that is foolishness. But I will persist in foolishness until I know better. Stubborn and foolish I am.
