The Girlfriend Whisper has given me some homework. Apparently I am to find the least attractive nice guy and force myself to go out with him because I am apparently attracted to the wrong people. I tried a similar test a few months back which you can read about here.

Despite the previous failed attempt, I think there is some validity to the theory. I had a moment the other night where I felt like my poor self-image had created the relationship that it thought it deserved and now that I have it, the reinforcement of the idea is so ugly, I can’t stand it or myself. Scary stuff I tell you.

But the GW is often pushing to do things like this and I usually refuse. this time I promised him I would, partly only to shut up all the “DO IT DO IT DO IT”’s. I will let you know how it goes.

“Most of my advances were by mistake. You uncover what is when you get rid of what isn’t.” —Buckminster Fuller

“I live on Earth at present, and I don’t know what I am. I know that I am not a category. I am not a thing — a noun. I seem to be a verb, an evolutionary process – an integral function of the universe.” — Richard Buckminster Fuller

I read these two quotes on facebook, the conduit of all things wise. Lately I have been feeling some sort of late-coming guilt over the changes in my life. It’s not that I regret anything…its more that I can’t stop the voices in my head telling me I’m a failure, a dirty whore, whatever irrational thing that may come. Angry condemning voices. I suppose my present situation doesn’t entirely help. But things were just simpler when i had all the answers, didn’t have to think for myself and was so sure that I was on the “right side” of the fence.

You know what will make this day nice? A sweaty sandy makeout session on the playa. I think it is my duty to take advantage of all that my beach town has to offer. I am afterall a foreigner. Romatic trists on the beach is like a rite of passage!

I must remedy this immediately.

“My chastity belt is so not locked in tight enough tonight.”

A few months back, I submitted my ‘first time” story to Nerve.com. i asked for a linkback but no, those people want all the credit themselves. There are a ton more first time stories. I was the only over 30. Guess I got credit for originality and uniqueness. Long live the unicorns!

Here is it.